Scars
by Tortured Soul
Summary: Sequel to Dark Tears. As Robin tries to cope with the suicide of Raven, he learns things about her, the team, and himself....
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans, and I never will.

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I loved you so much, but I wouldn't allow myself to show it. I was always worried; worried that the burning passion for you would tear us all apart. The memories of you will be constant reminders that I was once happy; that I once loved…that I once felt. I pour my heart out to Star now, just to feel like a person. So I don't end up like you…**

I miss you so much, and I wish that somehow, someway, I could bring you back. Raven, I don't know why you did what you did, but just know you're missed. I could have helped you, and for that, I am sorry. The feelings of sadness and unhappiness aren't strangers to me. I've been where you have, Raven. All I can do right now is blame myself for everything that happened to you.

Darkness consumes millions each year, but why you? You were so young, Raven, and strong. You never got to enjoy childhood. That's one of the things that I had wanted to help you experience. You had to take things seriously and keep your emotions in check all the time; childhood was something you didn't get in life, and I wanted to give it to you. Everyday having to keep your feelings and emotions to yourself, it must have been torture. Life must have been hard, Raven, and I always appreciated your strength. You were also beautiful. I don't know why you thought differently, but you were. And it wasn't just skin deep. Beneath the dark girl act, you were had a beautiful, caring soul. Everyone could see this. You were so easy to talk to, and you could make anyone feel better about themselves. You cared, Raven, and you didn't show pity.

Life without you is different. Beast Boy and Cyborg don't argue as much; they don't bully each other as much. Starfire has become a lot quieter, and she locks herself in her room for longer periods of time, now. I've had a hard time coming to grips with your death. I find myself in your room at night, lying on your bed, or reading some of your books. I don't allow anyone else in there, and I know that you wouldn't like me in there, but figure that doing this will help me cope, help me feel less guilty.

I take the blame for your suicide. Even though you were the one who slit your wrists, I feel as if I could of done something more. I should've stayed with you in that god forsaken med lab. I saw all the signs, but I didn't want to believe. I loved you, and I should have done something. I should have helped you conquer the darkness inside of you. But instead, I sat and watched as you became more and more depressed, slipping into the blackness of your mind.

I could have taken your hand and shown you the light, but I was selfish, and refused to believe.

It's my fault. I should be the one dead. Soon, Raven, I shall join you once again…

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The days that followed your suicide were hell. They dragged on and on; mourners from al around the city crowded around outside. Against my better judgment, you were given a wake and a funeral. Crowds of fans and citizens came into the tower and lit candles for you. I couldn't stay around and watch though. A hero doesn't cry, but I did. Not that I am a hero, if I were then I would have been able to save you from the darkness. But I didn't, and I don't deserve the title of a hero.

We buried your body in a cemetery close to the Tower; your gravestone sits in the shadows of an old oak tree, and there you lay. It's just so hard to believe that underneath six feet of dirt and mud, the woman that I loved, the woman that brought so much light into my life, lays there.

Rumors circulated through the press that your suicide would bring an end to the Titans, and for a while, I also thought that. I remember calling a meeting with the rest where I asked them if they wanted to continue in our fight for justice. We decided to continue protecting the city from the evils of the world around us.

Without you though, it's going to be hard. Real hard. Not only did we lose an important team member, but we also lost a friend. A family member, even. I know this sounds so weird right now, but I've always thought of the Titans as a type of family. An odd, dysfunctional family, of course. But still a family. We might not of been related, but we cared for each other, and that's what a family did, care.

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I don't know why you did it, but there's nothing I can do now. I saw all the signs, but I refused to believe. The clues were right there in front of me, and I let them stay there. You had always been a bit depressed at times, but I always thought it was because of your powers, your inability to show emotion. Never once did I even stop to think that was how you were actually feeling. Never once did I believe that you would allow yourself to mutilate your body like you did. Raven, you were never ugly. Always you had been so beautiful. Even when you lay on your floor, bathing in a pool of blood, you were beautiful.

Since your suicide, I've been paying a lot more attention to the rest of the Titans; I spend more time with Starfire, play games with Cyborg, and I actually listen to Beast Boy when he talks.

The mirror to your mind still lies on your dresser, and sometimes, I get the urge to look into it. Maybe I hold on to the hope that I could be able to bring you back from death, but I know that's not possible. If it were, you would have already found a way.

Raven, if you can hear me, know this. I loved you, and your death has torn my heart to pieces. One day, I will join you wherever you are. One day soon, I hope. Because, quite frankly, I can't live without you. You were my reason, my will, you were the thing that kept me going, that kept me living. And now, without you, my heart and soul feel like empty vessels. The passion that raged inside of me for you still does, and it will never stop. Raven, I love you. Forever and always. You were my angel, and you still are…

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**Umm…did you like it? This is like the beginning of the sequel to "Dark Tears", and if you didn't catch on quick enough, this was in the Boy Wonder's POV…Yeah…anyways, hope you enjoyed, and review me if you want me to like add on or something….I will be adding chapters soon.**


	2. Chapter 2

The years will pass, but the memory of you will forever live in my mind, my heart, my soul. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. Sometimes, if I close my eyes and think hard enough, I can see an image of you in my mind's eye; the expression on your face was the happiest I had ever seen on you, and the light in your eye warms me to the core. That was the day you overthrew your father, and saved the world.

Like a blackened rose, you were always beautiful. But one day, you were corrupted; something got into you, and you believed the lies that your mind fed you.

Sometimes I feel like you're still here with us; I can swear I hear your voice. Maybe it's because of the mind meld. Possibly, a part of you still lives on in me. I can only wish and hope that this is true, but dreams are often left mere dreams.

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While rummaging through your room, I found your diary. A leather bound, red book with a gold impression of a raven on it. The pages were stained with blood, and the words that I read off the pages were dark and depressing. Beautiful poems filled some of the diary, but most of it was dedicated to your feelings at the time.

The darkness had always been lurking inside of you, Raven, but it wasn't until after Trigon that it began to swallow you up. Slowly, you allowed the raging emotions inside of you to get the better of you, and you felt like you were losing control. New feelings aroused, all of them new to you, and it seemed like you would be unable to control those too. Soon, you felt like your powers were slowly slipping away…

As was your way, you kept this hidden from us, locked away inside of you. Bottling your emotions didn't help you Raven, but then again, neither did we. We weren't there for you; **_I _**wasn't there for you, and I will never forgive myself for that. I had every fucking sign, but I didn't want to believe. For my own selfish reasons, I didn't want to believe. I needed you for my own petty emotional problems, and you couldn't have been anymore depressed than me. I should of taken your hand; I could have shown you the light.

For a while, I thought things were doing all right. I thought that I had finally leaded you a step in the right direction. The day I forced you to eat, I thought I was doing right. And I was, I guess. I meant good, and only good, but the results ended horribly. I pushed that night, pushed you to the edge of your insanity. The kiss that we shared probably only confused you, and if I'm right, that was also no help. Not that kiss didn't mean anything. I love you more than I love myself…more than life itself, even.

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When you died, a part of me died. The eyes I hide behind this mask became darker, hollower, less soulful. I became less of a person, I believe; you were my guiding light, constantly keeping me from sinking…And I should have been yours. You were weakened, vulnerable, and I saw that. I saw you going down, but I didn't even try to help you. Only when you were at your weakest did I try to assist you, to save you from the darkness.

You were always there for me, but I feel as if I wasn't there for you enough. I loved you, and I always wanted you to feel the same, but I didn't show my true feelings. I wanted to show you that I loved you, and sometimes, I did. But most of the times, you were blind to my feelings…I didn't allow you to see them…I was a mask towards you, and for awhile, I thought that I loved Starfire, but I was wrong. Starfire is shallow, superficial. There's nothing underneath her, no inner beauty, no depth, nothing. What you see is what you get.

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The day I found you were meant to be mine was a day I'll never forget. You were sitting on the roof, not meditating, but you were looking out over the edge into the sparkling blue water. The sun was setting and a gentle wind was blowing, caressing your cheek and ruffling your hair. I walked a little closer to join you, and I heard the most beautiful, ethereal music pouring out of your throat. The mood was right, and I fell in love. It seemed as if the whole world had stopped spinning, and then you looked at me. Those violet orbs full of soul and depth pierced through me, and I'm sure that a goofy smile painted my space. I sat down to you waited for you to begin singing again, but instead, you remained quiet.

I remember staring at you, daydreaming about things I would rather keep to myself. I yearned for you to begin singing again, but that never came. Instead, you looked at the city in silence, and as if you were a prophet you told me in a whisper that someone was going to die.

I didn't believe you; I didn't even think it would be possible that it would be you. I thought you meant a citizen…not one of us…

The weeks that followed that day, I remember staring at you more often, listening to you talk, watching you battle. Everything you did, I watched. And I fell more and more in love. After your defeat of Trigon, I think that's when I knew that you were the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The only problem was, you didn't notice me at all. You didn't notice my constant drooling over you or anything. We hadn't even been on a date, and I still wanted to marry you. I did, and I still do.

I was blinded by love, and despite the story of your depression folding out in front of me, I didn't believe. And it was love's fault.

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Like a rose, you were beautiful, but everything withers away…And you withered away way too quickly. The love I felt for you will still live on…the memories of you still flash in my mind… The ghost of your memory still haunts me and always will… You are dead. I know that…but your memory still lives on…

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**Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans, never have, never will.**

**I feel like I repeat myself way too many times in this story, but I'll fix that later….I'm gonna write a revision of this after I finish…**

**Alright, review please…I love when ya'all do that! Flames are allowed, they are used to roast marshmallows! See ya guys next chapter!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Okay, get this straight…If I owned Teen Titans I wouldn't need a disclaimer. So NO! I don't own them!

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For a while, I was sure the darkness would also take me over, poison my thoughts and my mind. But it didn't, something stopped it's invasion…

It was weeks after the other Titans moved on that I was finally able to see the lighter side of things. I had become reclusive, only venturing out of my room when I had to. The team was suffering for it too; our fighting became sloppier, and we grew farther apart. Then one day, I realized that you wouldn't want me to mope around forever. I had a duty to the city, to you; I was to keep the Titans together, so we could forever protect the city we loved. And I worked hard to save the Team from the doom that was near. More training sessions were enforced, we began to spend more time together, and I made sure that we were all in our best health-emotional and physical-at all times. History was not about to repeat itself.

So I had managed to keep the Team from falling into a dark, deep hole, but had I saved myself? While life seemed better, while it seemed like I was moving on, I couldn't forget you. I was afraid that if I forgot one memory, the whole memory of you would shatter, and you would be gone completely. That's all that remained of you, all that kept me fighting--memories. They replayed themselves in my mind, over and over, without stopping. Flashing, preventing me from thinking of anything but you. I was unable to escape the haunting visions of you, and they tormented me--pushed me to the edge. The fear I had of forgetting you was tremendous…

In the end, it was Star who taught me that you wouldn't have wanted me to let your suicide control my life. She was the one who showed me the way; the one who saved me from the water. She took my hand, and prevented me from drowning, drowning in my self pity and guilt.

I don't know when the feelings of love and passion died down for you, but they seemed to intensify around Star. I fell in love with her alien beauty, her optimistic personality, her naive ness. She was so full of life and happiness, bursting at the seams with warmth and joy. The day I asked her out was one of the best in my life, and I will never forget it. It was a warm, spring day, several months after your suicide, and the wounds left behind had begun to heal. She was sitting on the roof, at her favorite spot, watching the sun set. Her hair shone in the sunlight; her tan skin was aglow. Never before had I seen her so beautiful, so amazing. The scene was breath taking, and as I walked towards her, I forgot about the unhappiness that I had been feeling just a few moments ago. She made the pain stop; she was the one who kept me from going down. Taking her into my arms, I kissed her rosy lips gently, and it was as if the world stopped spinning. Everything seemed to stop in it's tracks, and I think my heart skipped a few beats. From that day on, we've been inseparable, and the love that I feel for her will never die…

I never thought the burning passion I had once felt for you could grow cold, but it did. And I'm sorry if this hurts you, Raven, but I moved on. I think if you were here, this was the way you'd want it. Starfire makes me happy, she completes me. I love her, and she loves me. Never will I forget what you meant to me, the things you did for me, how much I loved you. Never will I forget you…not even when I turn old and wrinkle. You were the first love I ever had, and true love is never forgotten. Always in my memories you will live, and always in my heart you shall remain…

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**Not too bad I hope…REVIEW!**


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